The Father's Voice (a semi-regular review of becoming a father): pt1.

(or 10 of the things no-one tells you)

I became a father this week! Thanks for your congrats. Apart from the lingering feeling of amazement that comes from seeing your newborn being lifted up by the midwife and taking its first breaths of air, we feel like we've completed part one of a Doctorate in only 7 days. While nature does do its thing supernaturally well, its still a huge learning experience. Below is an overview AND a list of ten vital, important, crucial, essential things that NO ONE TELLS YOU!

07.08.07
1.10pm Penny calls to say she's having irregular cramps that feel like period pain - are these contractions starting?

1. Contractions actually feel like period pain, so will be familiar, and are centered in one spot, not all over.

4.00pm I arrive home from work. The cramps are still semi-regular, but Pen has to sit down when they come now. I guess they are contractions!

5.30pm Ring the midwife - yes come in when they are 5 mins apart. By this standard, we plan to leave around 7pm.

6.15pm Things are really moving! We leave instead at 6.30pm.

6.45pm We drive (fast!) to the hospital - imagining what we'll say if/when we get pulled over for speeding... “yes, we'd love a police escort officer”.

7.10pm We're here! Poor Penny pausing every few minutes from the car to the birthing suite. No prizes for guessing why we're here as people we pass offer us a wheelchair.

8.00pm After initially writing her obs on a paper towel, the midwife has now got Pen's chart and her contractions have slowed a little now where in safe hands. Nothing for it now but to let them take their course, maybe have Pen in the shower to help with pains, give her regular drinks and snacks, and as the midwife says, 'just breathe through it'. I support her in different standing and sitting poses to alleviate things a little...

2. Breathing is the number one key thing at this point! Pen just mostly figured it out - slow and deep - some extra coaching though wouldn't have gone astray.
3. There are some really good poses (wife's arms around your shoulders/neck) that help ALOT - ask your midwife to show/ describe them in good detail before labour starts...

10.00pm- Examination time. Enough said, apart from the fact that another one won't be done until 1:00am 2am - that's another four hours of regular pains now every 4 mins... The midwife came in every 30mins, just took blood pressure etc as you'd expect, but I was never sure what their role was - do they 'make' it all happen or just be there for an emergency? Maybe we were just naturally gifted so didn't need much help...

4. Ask the midwife exactly what her role is so your not disappointed when she disappears for stretches/ r annoyed if she's always in your face.

1:01am After a shower, and various poses to aid the growing pain (every 3 mins now), Pen starts to feel that something is changing. What? We don't know, but by 1:30am, things are really happening. Pen's pain has really changed and asking the midwife (who's still getting ready for a routine 2am examination) gets her thinking it may be nearly time.

5. There are 3 pain stages to labour - initial contractions, then it changes when bub is entering the cervix proper, then the pushing at the end is different again. Knowing it will change and knowing what this signals would have been nice! Its a bit hard for the wife to ask many questions at this stage!

08.08.07
1:30am Pen turns herself around on the beanbag as she feels thins are getting close. I support and talk to her.

2:00am Bub's head is crowning! The midwife gets Pen to feel the top of it - her hand comes away red but she seems to have renewed energy. Suffice to say (skipping past the gory bits) that the pushing stage commences and bub comes out fast! Only three big pushes (with long pauses in between actually) and the midwife holds up our darling, letting Penny be first to check its sex - a liitle girl!

6. You will cry. Spontaneous tears appear when bub does.

2.45am Helena Rose is here, and resting on mum's chest, alert as anything, gazing around, and only crying when Pen is in pain for a few more pushes (getting out the placenta) - maybe empathy will be a personality trait for her. She's strong too - grabbed and brought out some of the placenta membrane with her.

4:30- Time passes as a blur now. Some of it is Pen cuddling bub, me cuddling bub, etc. We 7:00am finally put on one of Pen's 'birthing' mix cd's - a classical one and all fall asleep for 20 mins or so. 7:30 we're off to the ward - its breakfast time - remember eating? That essential life action? We'd forgotten all about even basics like this!

Day 2
09.08.07 Amidst some lovely hospital visits by family and friends, there is the feeding. Its hard! Bub and Mum are amateurs really. Some midwives take time to help out and teach Pen different ways it is done. But regardless, it gets painful. A book or something mentions protectors that can be worn to help out. Right, that sounds pretty good, why didn't anyone mention it before things got sore?

7. & 8. Nipple protectors and creme are essential! They're the best gift you could ever get your partner BEFORE entering hospital. Use them early (especially the creme) and much later cracking etc can be avoided. Not like us, I mean I only got the creme itself after seeing it on the chemist shelf myself while getting the protectors... And get good thin protectors (Avent is good).


9. This is the most amazing bonding time for you and your partner - made poignant by the father having to leave the hospital overnight (maybe we'll go private next time).

Day 4
12.08.07 Home! Better and a little scary at the same time. My first night with bub and I wake every 5 mins to check I can still hear her. Its obvious that bub has only a few phases; sleep, feed, dirty nappy, and cry. Helping her arrange these in the best order is our adventure of the first week.

10. With help from my Ma staying over, we've worked out that if you must do something to baby (change nappy, bath etc) do it BEFORE a feed. She'll naturally drop off to sleep after a feed, but not if you then have to disturb her again. This will save heaps of angst and crying and desperation.

Oh and here's a bonus #11: be prepared for life in slow motion... its not entirely unpleasant to just sit and hold baby and next thing an hour is gone.

ps. The midwives were really good at their job! Just not so at communicating.

the great nz road trip (highlights package)

[picture: andrew (left) and dave getting rained on while walking on a jetty, taupo. picture by rob]

over the weekend i went on a road trip with my two brothers - rob and dave. i think this was the first time the three of us had been away together on a trip like this, so it promised to be an interesting social experiment. back in the day, when they were roadtripping as younger men i was only about 10 years old. 20 years later we set about planning to drive down to the central plateau of nz to see what we could see. and it turned into rather a good trip. here's the highlights package...

day one: south of rotorua we went to a place called orakei korako (aka hidden valley) - a geothermal area that is supposed to be pretty good. we shelled out our $28 per person (tourist prices) and went across a catchment lake (part of the waikato river) on a little ferryboat to the other side. then we looked at sulphuris formations and various subterranean bubblings. the highlight was a big open cave surrounded by native bush with a blue tinted thermal pool at the bottom.

stayed that night in taupo.

day two: we set out from taupo and headed to the famed horopito motors. weatherwise this was exactly the same type of day as when lance and i went there earlier in the year, except now it was winter - so it was about 9 degrees colder. horopito is always good. and afterwards we took quite a lot of photos in the surrounding landscape. from there we headed to ohakune.

in ohakune we got a brilliantly cheap lunch from the bakery and drove up mount ruapehu. at the top of the road, dave's 'snow warning' went off in his car. it was 1 degree outside and raining/sleeting. well you can't not get out and touch snow when you're up the mountain so we braved the stinging rain for a few minutes. back in the car we decided that the only sensible thing to do in weather like this is to go for a bush walk.

we went down the road a bit and found a nice track to some waterfalls (the waitonga falls to be exact). being in the bush was ok - wet but not windy - until the track crossed open tundra that looked like the marsh scene out of lord of the rings, but colder and without the faces and lights. we got lashed with more sleet and had to concentrate on not getting blown off the boardwalk. back in the bush we descended into a valley. the path ended far too far away from the actual waterfalls for these kiwi blokes, so we bush-crashed up the valley until we were standing right beneath the main waterfall. so now we were being thrashed by the waterfall as well as the rain - refer to mention of temperature earlier to appreciate comfort level - but it was exhilarating and literally breath-taking.

after 2 hours of being out in that charming weather we finally got back to the car and cranked up the heater, which did a surprisingly good job of keeping us warm in our 1 degree celsius rain/waterfall water-soaked trousers.

stayed that night in turangi after driving north up the desert road.

day three: we drove north to a road that travels up the west side of lake taupo. we stopped at an old jetty and took more photos (pictured above), getting more rain on us and spying a picturesque village across the water with a waterfall and church with a high steeple. we worked our way around the lake until we came to the sign to waihi village - the place we'd seen. anyway, further up the road was a big handpainted sign telling us to keep out. before the sign were a couple of great-looking little 1950s holiday cribs which i had to photograph for my safe little world stuff.

standing on the edge of the grass in front of the places, i had taken a couple of photos when i heard a vehicle behind me. anyway, to cut a long story short, it was lady telling me off for photographing private property - the locals clearly sensitive about outsiders in this area. i explained to her that i wasn't doing anything wrong. she told me i had to ask for permission to photograph the buildings. i said, "can i photograph the buildings?" she said, "yes" and drove off. the old killick charm clearly paid off.

then we went further north up the waikato river, taking in a couple of quite impressive dams until we came to arapuni and the enormous swing bridge that i had forgotten was there. we parked the car and walked across the bridge feeling like it was going to collapse at any moment and send us hurtling into the rapids over 50 metres below.

that night back to my parents' place in kaiaua, then back home the next day.

a classic trip accompanied by dave's rather eclectic ipod library (everything from audioslave to hot chocolate and portishead); and apart from one 'discussion' about politics, no arguments...

on the headphones: 'the underdog' by spoon, from the album 'ga ga ga ga ga'.

meanwhile, on the other side of the tasman...

This is a review / overview of the journey taken so far by a little concept called 'The Everyday Beautiful'.

THE BACKGROUND: Over 540 days, two pals obsessed with the idea of capturing beautiful moments from everyday scenes have logged countless hours of digicam footage, watched small blue progress lines advance, and skillfully manipulated only 3 iMovie filters to create - 7 short films.

What all this means is that Jonathan Nalder and Nicholas Landbeck put on a party (finally) to launch this little project to a wider world. The Everyday Beautiful began as a concept among friends in early 2006 - flickr was making image sharing and collaboration possible and amidst constant terror warnings followed by tv ads to make you feel better, the idea of stopping at various moments thru-out the day to seek out the world's unnoticed beauty had a certain appeal.

A flickr group was started with certain rules - everyday beautiful images must not be photoshopped or adjusted beyond some brightness, contrast and slight colour correction. They must not feature people as their main focus. And the group grew - today it has over 90 members and 1000 images creating an amazing online gallery.

Taking the concept to a new dimension (the third actually!) the boys began using short videos to capture these moments also - be it weird shadows or clouds, or the striking movement of people thru a train station.

THE EVENT: So on 20th July, 30 friends gathered to watch some of the short films, eat, drink and catch up. The night featured 7 screens displaying films and slideshows - one even showing all 1000 online flickr pictures. Another screen featured the 'other beautiful' - a collection of images/videos that we have been inspired by that follow a similar theme (including works by Intraspace founder Andrew Killick).

NOW: Check out the group website at www.everydaybeautiful.info for a timelapse recording of one room from the party, or order a DVD if you dare...

by jnxyz

break-dancing, pop punk and the word of God: saturday night at church

adolescent pop-punksters with all the right moves - 'a kiss goodbye' took to the stage under coloured lights. whose idea was it to bring back skinny jeans? but you have to admire the abilities of a guy who can high kick in those suckers.

our converted warehouse church building had the chairs pushed back to create a mosh pit and a space for the O2 dance crew up next. the lino floor is much more suitable for breakin' than the carpet on stage.

nathan, the sound guy, had come straight to the event from fishing, and allegedly smelt like fish. i never allowed myself to get close enough to find out. we did, however, share a moment of hilarity when i joked that he had spent the afternoon as a fisher of fish, but this evening he was a fisher of men (matt 4:19). hahaha! christian humour - priceless.

teenagers are hard to please, and pete the mc for the night gave a talk about crowd participation - "you only get out what you put in" he said.

the youth worship band invited people to come closer to the stage for a praise song and they moved quite quickly after pete's talk.

then, as promised, O2 busted the moves, unleashing a mash-up of street styles, and even staging a battle. youth pastor aaron was obliged to bring the moves himself and later confessed to me that dancing in front of people is his worst nightmare. which made me think, "mate that's a pretty easy worst nightmare". comparatively speaking, he obviously isn't phased by the thought of finding himself naked in front of an auditorium of people (a more popular worst nightmare).

with a punk band and a hip hop dance crew on the same billing there was always the potential for the event to turn into a brawl - how can you have guys with their pants so tight and guys with their pants so loose in the same room without creating ill feeling? however, that clash never eventuated. to be fair, the church setting and christian principles probably helped defuse that explosion. also this the 21st century - we are much more accepting these days...

after the youth band played some worship, aaron again stepped forward. this time he was ready to battle under his own rules, he was back in his element - he was preaching. his sermon was all about not letting your up-bringing (good or bad) be an excuse for where you are at now. it was replete with amusing asides and stories about punching his brother in the windpipe (and vice versa).

afterwards, everyone went out to the lounge and bought hotdogs and other nutritious snacks from the cafe, and pete put a hole in the wall by demonstrating his kick-flip abilities.

stephen tetley-jones, who is famous in nz church circles for a show he used to host on radio rhema, came to pick up his kids. he was rockin' navy-blue nike and wearing one of those head-stockings a la 50cent. he asked me what i was doing at a youth event and asked if i was trying to relive my youth. i pointed out to him that the event was in fact a combined event for the youth and the 18-30 group (but failed to mention that i only fit into the 18-30 group based on a technicality, i.e. that 18-30 means "up to and including 30").

and thus, the night wound up a great success. quietly, in the days that followed, aaron discovered that he had overcome his fear of dancing, and i was surprised the next time i saw him to find he was dressed like this:

[not actual photo of aaron and sarah]

Aspiring Modern Creature

(a commentry on being white, male, middle class, a father-to-be, geeky, and laid up after having wisdom teeth out)
14.6.07


In bath with iceburgs in one's cheeks.
A pause to mourn two unborn teeth,
a loss of wisdom, but in
a space-saving decision,
they had to come out.
For a few days I'm a vegetable
-eating pain in the ass,
a swollen headrive,
not talking, not contributing

Warm water love comes my way,
sympathy from one tap with
biotics from the other.
Around are surroundings honed to fit
this house, this peaceful place of us
with connections & screens, decks & views,
Chopin and Augie, BBC and Jerry.

I celebrate our bump, I plan, compose, aspire,
sleep, listen, rinse, play with icecream
wonder
good is bad:
in pain but get paid to rest it off
laid low but have the earth
& promises of heaven besides.
Others are washed away, or deserted by f*#%!^ up husbands,
disabled by age, or killed for not denouncing.

Blender starts & brings me out of this.
If you've been hesitating getting yours out,
& can count on the love of a good woman,
then book in today!
Winter is the time for soup -
This is me keeping you all in the loop.

Cricket, what else: a trans-Tasman conversation

Possibly this is an appropriate posting for ANZAC day, an Aussie commiserating with his Kiwi mate...
----------------------------------------------

On 21/04/2007 at 2:51 AM Jonathan Nalder wrote:
re: the NZ vs Australia Super 8 game
- why you guys do a sri lanka and leave out 2 of your 4 best? I'm staying up and i want a contest!


On 21/04/2007, at 5:34 AM, Andrew Killick wrote:
- sorry - doesn't seem that you are going to get a contest. it is our trick tactic, let you guys win and then cane you in the finals.


On 25/04/2007 at 9:04 AM Jonathan Nalder wrote:
re: Loss to Sri Lanka
- commiseration's as I was going foR you guys in this one. Maybe patel and franklin need to bat higher up!?


On 25/04/2007, at 9:43 AM, Andrew Killick wrote:
- oh man, it is very disappointing - we were playing so much better than we did in those last two games - but everyone will remember the season by those game. class teams we lost to, but nevertheless...


On 25/04/2007 at 10:30 AM Jonathan Nalder wrote:
- sad about fleming too, tho 10 years is a fair while to be captain... in an interview at the bbc cricket site (http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/cricket/6588767.stm) he talks about how well they did with what they've got - sad but sometimes true - however that kind of attitude, that there's always that excuse is bad bad bad i think - I mean with Oram, vitori, bond and styris all fit - thats enough to take anyone down and they should see themselves as world class, not happy with 3rd or 4th if they're gonna go further. My thoughts. Might put this conversation up on intraspace. J

Review: Being 32

[I just turned 32, so thought perhaps I could contribute to intraspace best by starting with something ultra-personal.]

Now that I stop and think about it, 32 does actually feel different. Its taken a couple of years obviously, and I honestly thought there was no such thing as a 30's 'feeling'. Let me explain. I've always believed in mind over matter, being able to choose ones attitude to oneself. After all, why get carried away with random emotoins when one can pick and choose? So to admit that forces not of my choosing may be shaping my life is a big step.

At age 32, you really probably have done a few things. You've got at least one of the major things you'd always wanted. Probably more. And this feels fulfilling, not totaly empty as full blown materialism does, but good, ok even. Maybe you've travelled, had girlfriends, got married, experienced highs and lows and actually got a bit of a grip on what life is like. Life as an adult I mean. its a time when you've nearly lived more years as an adult than as a child. You really do start to look forward a bit more - with a better idea of what should fill the next years. you know at lesat what you don't want ahead, as opposed to hoping you do.

At 32, all this certainty for the first time starts to feel like not a bad thing. Having things locked down, being locked down strangely is ok, even preferrable. Seeing as 40 is the new 30, you have many years left before needing that sportscar or toyboy. This is perhaps the beginning of the best years of your life, for even when challenges come, your relative youth, developing wisdom and financial stabilty will stand you in good stead.

So, at age 32, let's not forget to be proud, but to watch out for pride. And please feel free to give or take a few years when reading '32' in this post.
- So say we all, J